Asking FORGIVENESS – a BIG struggle!

5th April 2017 evening was a horrible night of my life.

Everything was going well. I had just entered my apartment campus; I saw my neighbor sitting inside his SUV and like every other time his facial expression was quite irritating. Without any reaction, I simply passed by and took the elevator to my flat. But after leaving the elevator I missed to close the elevator properly, so it got stuck on my floor (the 5th floor), and that man stays on the 4th floor. As he wanted to take the elevator to his flat, he shouted from ground floor “will somebody close the elevator properly!” I immediately checked and closed the elevator to go down for him. I felt awful about myself. How much irritating it would be for him to wait, shout and remind me about my responsibility to close the elevator. He is also a human-being like me, drained up and fatigued after a long day. I need to say “SORRY” to him, but how can I face a man who always stares at me with an offended face, who behaves with me like I have caused him a loss worth millions. For ten whole minutes, I struggled with “HOW” and the fear of “If he misbehaves with me!” With the struggling state, I prayed to God to strengthen me to face him and say a “Sorry”. After five minutes, I decided it’s time to meet him. I stepped out of my flat, drenched in sweat, brimming with stress – ‘what is going to happen next!’ I reached the 4th floor, and for a whole minute, I stood in front of his door without knocking. I was struggling yet “Shall I say sorry or walk away!” But to my surprise, his wife opened the door (before my knock) with smiling face asked, “Yes, what happened? Do you need anything?” My answer was, “No, I have come to say Sorry.” and I told her what I suppose to say. Affectionately she replied, ‘It’s okay. No problem. Don’t worry’.

“Struggling to say Sorry for holding elevator” – Doesn’t it sounds amusing! 

Yes, it is. But honestly, I have never struggled before to say sorry to someone. Whenever I think of that incident it reminds about three things; 

  1.     The Toughness to say Sorry
  1.     The Need to say Sorry
  1.     The Happiness after saying Sorry

The Toughness part of saying Sorry is, sometimes my Ignorance to my mistake. I just overlook and say, ‘Oh…its okay. It’s a minuscule thing. Everybody does so. Why should I say sorry? Just chill and move on!’

Sometimes it is due to my Egomaniac nature. Though I have to pay a high price for not being sorry of my wicked deed still, I won’t agree to bend down. I say, “I have Money to buy better option, I have The Power to drag him down, and I have Name which is enough to get better than this. The fear of the fall of the name, the pride of I’m something better than him, and the public-fear encompass me within my fallen nature.

The Need part of saying Sorry is, no human being under the sun can say “I’m perfect”. We all human being are born and brought-up with some amount of imperfection within us, which has ultimately brought us down from the glory of God. There is a fault in my thought – there is a defect in my nature – there is a flaw in my behavior, and there is also imperfection in my deed. So, I cannot boast that – I’m perfect! Or else I will become a stuff of mockery. We all are imperfect to ourselves and others as well. Every wrong actions/thing are highly required to be Judged & Punished! But how many times I have been through the trial of being imperfect? Have I paid the price for being the imperfect person in the sight of God & Man?

The Happiness part of saying Sorry is, feeling the relief of guilt and cementing the relationship. When I say sorry to someone for being wrong to that person I start feeling good. I feel like “I’m forgiven!” The guilt of my heart stops pinching me. The person whom I say sorry, he smiles at me and in speechless language says “I like You”. And that’s how my relationship is cemented with Love, Respect and Happiness.

Still, the two BIG QUESTIONS lay behind,

“WHAT ABOUT THE IMPERFECTION OF MY HEART?”

 “HOW LONG I WILL SAY SORRY & DO SOME OTHER KIND OF MISTAKE?”

Imperfection is deeply rooted in my bones and marrows, and I believe it – SIN!

The punishment of SIN is death.

But how I am free from my sin, when I’m dying in it?

Does it make sense to me?

No…then I must have to look for a better option.

!

!

!

How about GOOD DEEDS?

But another big question is, ‘What is that UTMOST redemption which can be the right payment for the Sin I owe? How much good deeds I need to do?’

The ULTIMATE good job as the right payment for every human being like me is – “Asking Forgiveness” to the One who has already paid the price. His name is Jesus!

Jesus being the God is holy. His Birth was Holy – His Works were Holy – He Lived Holy life. But He was crucified as a Sinner. How come He (The Holy One) become sinner without committing any sin? Because He took the punishment for our sins and paid the price for us!

But have I ever asked Him Sorry?

Do I consider the Price paid for my Punishment?

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

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